Posts Tagged love on Go, Team Internet!
If all goes according to plan, I will be in Arizona, New Mexico, maybe Colorado and Utah, and then all over California starting early May...... for a hot roadtrip!
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Have I mentioned how much I love google?
"We hope that California voters will vote no on Proposition 8 -- we should not eliminate anyone's fundamental rights, whatever their sexuality, to marry the person they love."
Have I mentioned how much I love google?
"We hope that California voters will vote no on Proposition 8 -- we should not eliminate anyone's fundamental rights, whatever their sexuality, to marry the person they love."
Have I mentioned how much I love google?
"We hope that California voters will vote no on Proposition 8 -- we should not eliminate anyone's fundamental rights, whatever their sexuality, to marry the person they love."
Have I mentioned how much I love google?
"We hope that California voters will vote no on Proposition 8 -- we should not eliminate anyone's fundamental rights, whatever their sexuality, to marry the person they love."
Oh, Montauk.
Because it's so fun to say, I will tell you too that yesterday I lost Michelle's flipflop to the ocean in Montauk and my special stick I used to summon the water (Michelle will have blackmail photoproof of my silliness) and then when I tried to stand on a big rock, the waves got even closer to me and made me lose my balance when trying to get away so I fell and hurt myself a tiny bit. I BELONG IN A BUBBLE, PEOPLE. Sidenote, I love Michelle and her wonderous love. xoxoxo to my Michelle.
Dorky love poems
A tasty breakfast
The sweetest girl in the world
No better morning
Get better real soon
Rock the fall New Hampshire trails
(Then we can make out) ;-)
Venting.
Dear N,
I'm tired of writing in my journals about you and about my inadequacy, but I don't really have the guts to have a heart-to-heart with you. I recently dedicated a little something to you, but I don't know that it'll make any sort of impact in your life. I'm convinced I can't be there for you in the ways you need to be supported, not in my present state.
I care for you very much: I always have. I'm always thinking of you. It pains me to stay silent but I don't want to bug you, and I don't want to feel even worse about what I should be doing for you.
I should be working instead of studying. I should be publishing papers in academic journals while teaching at community and writing the dissertation. I should be taking that little money and going out with you.
That's what I should be doing. Instead, I'm engaged in something a lot riskier. Two years ago I realized that no one cared for my field, no one thought it worth anything. And I realized the few in my field whose work was thoughtful and engaging couldn't reach a broader audience other than academics and specialized students.
So I decided that I'd write and fight for an audience. I'd write intros to basic things and slowly bring my readers to bigger questions, and I'd enjoy learning from them, I'd enjoy turning "here are things you should know" into "what questions should we ask about them" finally into "what do you think?"
It worked, but on a small scale. My best readers - an ex-law student who loves to read about poetry: it takes her away from her day job for survival. A poet of amazing caliber in Germany who loves to ask good questions and absorb difficult material. A Navy veteran who feels that America's intellectual heritage is just as valuable an asset as its moral heritage. A transportation planner who doesn't want all the philosophy he studied to go to waste. A photographer and writer who loves Proust and Emily Dickinson and wants to meet someone who shares those joys. An atheist student in England who wants to know why what he's studying has been considered important. A girl about to go to college in Alabama who wants to know what life is like beyond high school. A widow who wants to be a life coach, who wants to meet someone who cares for his readers.
There's more - that's all I can think of right now. And I never have brought up the blog, not once, since you came back into my life. I don't talk about it with you at all, nor any of these people (save the widow, who is teaching me that friendship really does matter if love matters).
I study partly for the dissertation, which I consider my book-in-progress, and definitely for them: I want them to be able to read my book and get that much more out of it.
I want something I can give to you that's unique. I try to do this by pestering you about the music you like. If you comment on it, I want to integrate that comment into something I can create for you and my readers. So far all I've done is write up pretentious analyses of the music you like that don't engage how you feel about it.
I hate it when I can't capture the strength of your feeling in prose. I feel like I can't communicate with you on the deepest level.
I also want to be successful, but I confess I want this on my terms. I want to aim high and say I tried, not go the route every other grad student is going. I want to show that education makes us all better, not just be a specialized tool for some student's use.
The deep thing I've realized: when you're doing something that is genuinely countercultural, geniunely radical, there's no way to say it's a good until the results are in.
Take care, N. I'll keep writing you in actuality, and keep hoping that one day I can be more open with you, far more open. Right now I just want to hide a bit.
AK
Things I love
-When Annette says my name in that horridifed, upset, embrassed, and laughing way....ELIZABETH!
-When I watch a bad horror movie while eating candy
-Looking like a troll
-My husbands ball sweat
-My laptop and the way it has like 18 windows up, Secondlife running, and my messenger with no lag
-Dr. Pepper
-Tim Curry in drag
-Jack in a box
-My tattoos
-Annette loling with me
-Porn...and lots of it
-Casuing Myspace drama
-Pickles
-Getting paid to "pretend" to do office work while I write lists of things I love
If we need to be lonely in order to love, can we ever truly love?
I wrote this meditation on Auden some time ago, but the ideas in it have hit me personally with a renewed vigor now.
Hope you're all well - GTI actually has seemed pretty happy the last two days, for the most part. Keeping fingers crossed for all of you who are having issues.
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