3 Long Island Iced Teas = a terrible karoake performance of "Rich Girl" by Hall and Oates
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Should've gone for four! You might've been able to upgrade to "Private Eyes" ...
I guess 5 would be "Maneater" with an interpretive dance. Followed by an on stage passout.
I went to Vomit Geyser National Park when I was 8, where I was molested by a park ranger.

sounds like a glorious evening :)