DAD BATTLE. IT'S ON.

WITH THE HAT AND EVERYTHING.

I win.

My dad was in the navy. Four of his five kids were born exactly nine months after a major voyage. It's creepy.

ewwww. bonin.

He bought ME shoes.

You win this round, Carlo.

My dad brought Nestor Torres to show and tell once.

Well my dad has pictures of Jimi Hendrix playing at Boston Garden from two feet away. Wayyyy cooler than Woodstock as a whole. So, :-P

My dad left my half sister Lisa when she was 4 by telling her that he was going out to buy a pack a cigs. Then came back into her life when she was 16tn with a new family including me age 3. Then when I 15tn he left mine and Lisa life all over again for another 7 years and now he wants to be all friendly like nothing happen.

I don't talk to my dad.

My dad speaks fijian.

he also karate chopped my back when i was choking on a piece of mcdonald's ice!

My dad was a photo editor for a magazine.

i always feel weird because there's so much dad hate on this site but i think my dad is awesome

my dad has a wicked massachusetts accent

Why does my spell check say that "moustache" is spelled wrong?

My dad over-dresses.

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1075/532072083_f5f3acaf9c.jpg?v=0

@celisse: BAHAHa. yeah you may win for most ridiculous dad.

aahaha your dad looks awesome, giu. love the beard.

Giu, you look really pretty in that picture.

my mom met her mother in law at a seance. she walked up to her and said: "YOU ARE FOR MY SON."

bahahaha. no.
he is a crazy scatterbrained high school science teacher.

my dad threw himself off a hospital bed, broke his neck, had to wear a halo for a year, and then sued the hospital for almost 200k.

BECAUSE HE THREW HIMSELF OFF A HOSPITAL BED. WHILE HE WAS FAKING CHEST PAINS.

he's only awesome if he won

Wait so do I win the dad battle cos my dad is a skeez who sued a hospital for a self-inflicted injury and actually won?

MY DAD DID THAT TOO, ACTUALLY. Except he cut almost the entire thing off.

My dad, one time, accidentally cut open his wrist with a dremel tool and then calmly walked into the bathroom to wash it.

Also, when he had his last heart attack, he was mowing the lawn while it happened. He got off of the mower, went to the bathroom, took a shower and then went in and calmly told my mom, "I believe I'm having a heart attack. Can you take me to the emergency room?"

During his time in the army my dad for two years helped run a black market organization selling high end American brand name electronics into the Korean closed-economy. He got into this organization by slipping a guard a can of coca cola and an American five dollar bill and then beating one of the higher ups of this black market crew at a game of pool.

This is probably the coolest thing I've ever heard, and I didn't learn this until two days ago.

my dad's had numerous injuries, mostly burns since he's a chef

fuck two weeks ago he burned his whole hand in boiling water, put some chinese cream on it and was relatively "fine" after a day at home

My dad doesn't even notice when he injures himself. He'll be bleeding all over the place and doesn't notice until I'm like DAD YOU ARE BLEEDING ALL OVER! YOU SHOULD CLEAN THAT UP and he's like, "huh? where?"

@giu - Hahaha...my dad is like that too.

my dad is, like, a walking injury. JUST IN MY LIFETIME:

age 4: car accident which he literally smashed through his windshield and onto the pavement because he wasnt wearing his seatbelt.

age 5: the "epilady" incident

age 11: cut off almost his entire thumb with a table saw.

age 13: congestive heart failure

age 15: while FAKING a symptom of congestive heart failure, throws himself off a hospital bed, lands on his head and breaks his neck. confined to a HALO FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR. WHAT. THE FUCK.

we had a restraining order against him from age 16 to like 20 so i dont know what went on during those years

age 22: is bitten by a student and his ENTIRE ARM became infected. i am not even kidding

age 23: fell down in a church and broke his foot. is now suing the church. i am not kidding.

age 24: was going the WRONG WAY on a one way street and flipped his car like 4 times. asked me to clean out his house while he was staying at his sister's place to heal. told me explicitly not to touch his pot.

My dad threw a ski pole at a dude's head in the 80's.

matthew -- WTF!

jay def -- for Christmas he got my mom an epilady, and she was afraid to use it, so she jokingly PUT IT ON HIS VERY THICK BEARD and out of pure reflex he backhanded her right in the face because it hurt so bad.

HE DIDN'T EVEN MEAN TO HIT HER [that time]. HE WAS SO SORRY AFTERWARDS. it was hilarious. he walked around for a while with a bald patch in his beard.

Wow...I probably would have shaved the whole beard off.

my dad taught me the word "fuck" when i was 2.

my dad was 57 when i was born and when i was a baby he would actually physically rock me until i fell asleep. he spoke 9 languages and could make lots of stuff out of nothing at all. he taught me to embroider.

I think that story was pretty badass :o/

My Dad is better than your dad cuz:

* he hitchhiked from SF to Woodstock, bitch! Also we found him in the movie they made of it. SUCK IT.

* he smoked a LOT of pot. He grew plants sometimes.

* he saw Jimi Hendrix at Monterey, bitches.

* he could drive a forklift and an 18 wheeler and a fucking crane

* he is really good at telling big long stories that are not true at all... and then forgetting to tell you they're fake and you've went around telling your friends these tall tales.

* he's got a tat of a pot leaf near his johnson and Che-fucking-Guevara on his chest! Also a butterfly.

* he died fighting Vader and in death he is even MORE POWERFUL.

@Jesse - Your dad is Obi-Wan Kenobi?

My step dad died of a heroin overdose.

My dad is insane. He has an ongoing battle with our backyard squirrels. He claims they conspire against him and his LITERALLY 13 various birdfeeders. He also has a lot of birdhouses, some of which he has painted himself, most notably, he painted one from Wisconsin to look like cheese. He collects gnomes and hides them around our house to freak people out. I once found one in the shower. He also collects "Homies", those you know...ghetto figurines you get in 50cent machines. He has 200 at least. His favorite channel is HGTV, and he spends a lot of time playing handheld tetris and yelling for me, my sister, or my mom to come check out Design on a Dime or whatever. He used to be a disco fiend, says that Superbad reminds him of his youth, and cries when he watches The Parent Trap (the LiLo one).

He's the best to tell stories about.

My dad looks like Alan Alda and teaches a spinning class at 5AM. When most dads would freak out mid-life style and buy convertibles, he bought recumbent bikes instead.

My dad had to be pulled out of a bar by his best man so he could be 30 minutes late and drunk to his wedding to my mother.

When mum was pregnant with my younger brother, she and dad argued for months over what to name him. Immediately after the birth, dad went out on a huge bender, filled out the birth certificate while still very very drunk, and got the name completely wrong. Mum didn't speak to him for *days*.

My dad saved me from being named CHANTALLE or MORGANA.

Not a dad story, but my older sister is named after the pet cow mum had as a kid.

haha FOR REALS. Celisse, there is nothing that I would have hated more than being named Chantelle. I AM SO NOT A CHANTELLE.

When my dad cut his thumb off he was in the basement. I heard him start screaming so I ran to the top of the stairs. He was yelling as he ran up the stairs, "I cut off my fucking thumb!"

My dumb ass says while panicking, "Are you SURE?" His reply as he is holding his hand that is squirting blood everywhere, "I SAW IT FLY OVER MY FUCKING FACE!!!!!!"

He also managed to almost cut his ring finger off during that accident. It was awful.