you give me a phrase/word, I will work it into my staff meeting somehow.

i've done this on consumating like 4 or 5 times now, but the rules are... you give me something reasonable to say, an archaic idiom, a really big word, nothing vulgar though, and i will do my best to work your words into the meeting, without my coworkers knowing.

I did this first in this consu-thread. and then again here. fuuuun times.

ooo good one besecret!

in that thread, I worked in many of the following into my meeting:

irrigate the sinuses
IT IS A SILENT KILLER
tiny elephant
Jupiter's planetary alignment
Duck-billed platypus
donnybrook
tender dark meat
ameliorate the risk
"cock and bull"
"tit for tat"
"moist, firm breast meat"
"deeply probing"
"snatch up the goodies"
brainforest
inoculating babies in Kampuchea
"fuh-get about it"
extirpated
auricular
opprobrium
"hellish fumarole"
"Pass the taco"
seepage
n00dz
coffee break
1. Hooo baby.
2. I'm hot just like an oveeen.
3. Splendiferous.
4. ..., the forbidden fruit.
5. Monkey Tennis
6. Sex-wise
7. Knowing me (insert your name here), knowing you programme committee, AHAAAA
8. Chalk penis
9. Fat back

10. Buck Rogers
11. Life in the fast lane
12. Doubleplus good
13. Hot robot lovin'
14. pop goes the weasel.
15. Mellifluous. Or even better, melliferous.
16. Unpossible
17. Judy's shoes
18. Lactating
19. Seppuku
20. Skatafka

hmmm. fart is in the vulgar category, possibly.

edwina I AM DEPENDING ON YOU. you can do it.

i can only come up with "an existential crisis", "artisan" and "christmas miracle" feel free to use any one of those.

or none!

"Shorn like a Hawaiian sheep in August"

good ones guys.

here goes.

(the last one's for edwina). now I have set up the projector.

I SAY: guys, I'm completely DISCOMBOBULATED - did anyone print out an extra agenda?.

(for twf)

YES!

Oh M. I <3 you.

(I need more, guys)

"violates a rule of time and space"

coworker2: have you decided which membership package plan works best for the middle schools yet?

coworker3: well, its up in the air at the moment, our 2nd focus group wasn't really helpful.

I SAY: jim, you don't need to have an EXISTENTIAL CRISIS over this - I think we know enough from our first group and all those surveys from last year to decide.

(note: I DO NOT ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS, I JUST SAID IT, I KIND OF THINK WE SHOULD DO ANOTHER FOCUS GROUP. Oh well.)

"raise the red flag"

"it's like shooting goldfish in a barrel"

(yes, i know it's just fish)

(thats libi and mark, TOGETHER) woo.

Yahoo! I always miss these!

Please say: Sometimes you get the bear, sometimes the bear gets you.

Please, please, please.

coworker1: jonathan really deserves some of credit for getting the curriculum online before the training.

I SAY: really though, he's always there working OWLISHLY behind the scenes.

cheese is a kind of meat

arthritic yak

sex pig

coworker2: we upgraded to the newer drupal version, but we lost half of our template-modifications from the old site.

I SAY: SOMETIMES YOU GET THE BEAR, SOMETIMES THE BEAR GETS YOU.

(blank stares).

(for combustie)

THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

"make a mountain out of a molehill"

"that's funny any way you smell it"

coworker2: he and I are still testing the casetracker module - I'm hoping we won't have to do too much developing around it to get it to work.

I SAY: I don't know, I kind of think we should PUT [that module] IN TIME OUT for now, until we can devote more time to making it more user-friendly.

(for eatsdirt)

@make art: i am going to use that at my work from now on.

aqueous solution. (perhaps "I'm thirsty, I need an aqueous solution. Could you pass the water please?")

coworker2: Do you think they would even notice if we switched the two?

I SAY: I mean, ALLEGORICALLY SPEAKING, CHEESE IS A KIND OF MEAT. in that the casetracker module is basically just a modified drupal-book-page.

(for make art - that's 2 of yours!)

So.

Your co-workers, do they believe that you are completely bonkers?

@ make art: yes sir.

p.s. if mine is too long, simply insert "Seacrest" anywhere and I'll be happy :)

coworker3: do you think we can get vistaprint to credit us for that mistake?

I SAY: don't worry, I'm not going to let them SEACREST THEIR WAY OUT OF SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

coworker2: sea-what?

I SAY: heh. "seacrest", you know that annoying american idol host?

coworker2: uhhuh?

I SAY: oh I don't know.

alright meeting is basically over. thanks all.

ALWAYS MISS THESE

you've truly outdone yourself. this was wonderful. thank you!

You can't fathom how happy it makes me to finally make it into one of these.

the pleasure is ALL mine, mr monkeypants. seriously. doing this brings me infinite joy.

my official notes for this meeting are going to be really half-assed.

but it was worth it.

can you just wear a monocle and be like "i say!!! i never!!! good day sir(s)."

i know--i watch you from the window.

HA, we have no windows* in my office. I got you there, klaus-face.

*also, no bananas.

I told one of them last time I did this, but he didn't seem to notice this time.

Oh! Fabulous! Thanks! (to be honest, i felt really bad afterward because mentioning anything even remotely american-idol-related can sometimes have long-term damaging effects socially in the workplace. thanks for making it happen though!)