please vote for your favorite snag-the-anthropologist strategy.

take him to the AMNH.

plan a) make up an excuse that i have to be at my apt after all and can we just get the sandwiches takeout and have dinner here.

i thought of a very plausible excuse: my soon-to-be-sublettor (yes, the one i added to the list last week, but let's not go there, shall we?) has to bring some stuff over to my apt and i have to be home to let him in.

@val: you mean that "goofy evolution museum?"

in any case, the activity is already set and it involves eating pastrami at katz's delicatessen. sooooo sexy, i know.

cons:
ups the ante such that if he has somehow actively decided he *doesn't* want to sleep with me he will just say no and that will be clear.

----> rejection.

rejection sooner rather than later.

do i want that?

but i should give you plan b), which is to invite him back to my apt for homemade honey cake (made not by me, of course, but by the lovely and talented ms. brainforest. yes, you should be jealz.).

ie if i make him think that turning down honey cake on rosh hashanah would be some kind of sin or, at the very least, extremely rude, he would feel obliged to come over...right?

"excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and come out with nothing on."

yeah. really helpful.

frankly, getting him to come back to my apt is the tough part so that is pretty much what these plans are aimed at.

the rest, well, is up to me and my (finely honed, at this point) skillz...

Eat everything raw and claim that your tribe hasn't ever cooked food? I guess the anthro types go for that.

I like plan B

Jesus, I hope the guy realizes how much he's apparently worth. This is straight out of a teen movie territory.

I agree with ABNA and BSAE. Use the honey trap.

Hasn't the "tell people you're leaving the country" technique been working pretty well lately?

@roadrunner: omg...brilliant! how did i forget about that?

in any case, be secret, your last thought was best. i like it.

and am going to focus on a good and sweet evening!

last thought from my wise friend wendy (who is the originator of plan a):

It is not so much about not wanting you. He WANTS you alright, or he would not be hanging out with you. But there is the issue of timing, etc. And maybe he is just one of those guys that actually thinks about it and has feelings about it that might be complicated for him. How HUMAN!!

sigh. just my luck. it's what i get for liking complicated boys, clearly. well...wish me luck!

So he's too old for me to scape off the sidewalk when you grind his heart under you heel. That's okay! Is tonight the night?

@catlady: pffffft. Want me to have a word with him? I'll have a word with him.

I have only one question: WHAT WILL YOU WEAR???

@catlady: perhaps "DUDE!" That, with the proper inflection, should resolve it, I would think.

Sold.

@-j: hmmmm...now i'm thinking: maybe *i* should say DUDE with the right inflection.

as in, DUDE, you know i want to sleep with you, right?

of course. it's all about the inflection.

dude, that was funny. until i realized it was a bud light commercial and then i confess i was disappointed. but it was still funny.

dude.

you call bud light beer? there goes your canuck cred.

Also, I want it to be cold-ish when I visit.

@j: well, so i would have thought.

@val: it's actually been HOT again. i'm walking around in sandals and a tank top today. it's a bit too cool for that, really, but i didn't feel the need to put on my jacket during my walk during lunch hour.

not to worry, though, 'twill be cold when you get here. and we will snuggle!

Always do! ;)

merci, make art.

you always think good, anthropologist-bedding thoughts? well, hmmm. this time think them for ME, okay?

'

all i've heard i've heard from your own mouth.

or at least from what appeared to be you over the internets...

just sayin'.

... well, that's one note I'll probably regret sending, then.

@catlady: no, YOU are. I have plausible deniability.

We still don't have proof that J isn't a bot, even. So I have to agree with him there.

away, foul spam!

What rules? What happened?

it was fun while it lasted, though. and he gave me a very nice back massage.

@centro: thanks for totally making me laugh.

well, he said before he left 'let's have lunch this week.' i suppose i could make time for another date with him but i'm not sure he'll be up for it. he kept telling me how 'complicated' it was. or i was. or something. 'complicated, complicated.' he said it a lot.

Jee-sus fuckin' Christ.

Couldn't get laid (not you, obvi) in a whorehouse festooned with $100 bills.

How old is this guy again?

How complicated can it be? You are obviously willing, certainly capable, not looking to tie the boy up for any substantial length of time, haven't set your cap for him.

idgi

i told him it wasn't really like that because 'we know each other.'

he is pretty unique; it's true.

anyway, to re-quote my friend wendy, who turned out to be pretty much on the money:
And maybe he is just one of those guys that actually thinks about it and has feelings about it that might be complicated for him. How HUMAN!!

well, i think the desire for simplicity and the desire for sexual contact are all too often at odds with each other...

I think a man who will get naked in your bed and not put out is seriously not worth any effort. If you're not going to put out, keep your fucking pants on.

catlady: Exactly. In for a penny, in for the plunge, as it were.

Set your cap for him is that you want to get all married up and stuff. It's hillbilly talk.

Is that like goin' a-courtin', Aartaud?

I think this guy is more scared of getting "hurt" than he is desiring of your ... uh, charms.

I second Oom and SS's sentiments.

1. Are you sure this guy's straight?
2. Is he?

I don't buy the "complicated" "I don't do casual sex" thing. This is a man who either doesn't know how to enjoy himself or doesn't want the kind of enjoyment you're offering. There are more deep seated issues at play here, or some colossal angst problem. Either way I sincerely hope this show of "feelings" has not in any way increased your desire for this man. Frustratingly and unintentionally celibate as I am his, shambolic handling of this situation is frankly offensive to me and any encouragement or reward deriving from it would be like a slap in my face.

don't worry, make art, he is not being rewarded for his behavior. my desire has most definitely lessened. and yes he clearly has some issues with intimacy and things of that nature. and possibly colossal angst. and those things made it very difficult to enjoy being with him when he so clearly wanted to be with me but just as clearly seemed to feel the need to fight against it and his own desires.

sigh.

ah well.

i guess i predicted this but you guys were like, 'what guy could possibly be so angsty as to turn down nsa sex w/a woman he is clearly attracted to?' answer: the anthropologist. check.

is he the sort of anthropologist who's all into evolutionary psychology? because i would consider that a bad sign.

seriously, though, he sounds like way more trouble than he could possibly be worth.

@Ghostie: that's a very sweet, generous interpretation. one i never would have thought of.

virgin? definitely no. emotional cripple? quite possible.

oh, and thank you, ghostie. yeah. it is what it is. obviously i couldn't be too invested in the first place given that i'll be gone in a month and have no idea if i'd ever see him again.

(yes, i hear you boys..."and he *didn't* want to sleep with you? yeah. seriously something wrong with this guy.")

@sb: also, he's not into evolutionary psychology, but what's your issue with that? (it's not something i know really anything about, but...i'm curious about your opinions since they seem to be strong.)

hello, pot? this is kettle. you're black!

of course, of course, j. silly j. i am nice to him and he is nice to me and wants to see me again. in daylight hours. which is probably for the best. though i don't know if i'll have time to make that even happen.

ah well.

I have one and all he does is make my heart hurt for him. I've always liked them LESS sensitive. It's easier.

i am totally put off by a guy like that.

i know i'm a little bit disconnected and dysfunctional, but yeah. if he's all emotional and complicated already?

better not to get involved.

Pepper, generally I am as well. I fuck guys who I am aesthetically attracted to and want to bang, not who I want to hang out with on my couch and talk to and hold and stuff. This is totally weird for me. We stopped seeing each other a few weeks ago and clearly it just ain't sticking. Emotional and complicated doesn't even come close to what I am contending with in this one.

well, that is really interesting, sb. sounds like more than coincidence, yes.