It's been a while...
I'm disappointed in romance. Maybe this is an appropriate time to be disappointed in it. I took a year oath of celibacy that is over a month strong now (quite a feat for me, kids), yet I still find myself longing for closeness and mutual understanding with another person that does not revolve around sex and physical intimacy. What is the value in being lonely? Better yet, what is the value in being alone? I initially thought the value would be in getting to know myself, but really all I've found out is what I don't like about myself while I'm alone. What is it about romance that is so appealing to the heart and mind (or at least my heart and mind) that friendship does not satisfy all of my emotional needs? I recently grew fond of a man I met at the cafe and it seemed he was also quite fond of me. We were spending time together talking, sharing our common interests, and making plans for kayaking, going to the Wichitas, and cooking together. But one day, all of a sudden, he drops off the face of the earth for three weeks. I just saw him today after the fact and had to make initial contact with him. I asked him quite bluntly, "What made you lose interest in me, Michael?" He began to explain to me that he just recently got out of a relationship, yet wasn't ready to get involved again, YET YET he really does like me...hubbub. Is this how all of the men I changed my mind about loving felt: let down and disappointed? If so, what terrible confusion and torment. Yes, a very valuable lesson learned, but also a very hurtful and confusing lesson learned. And what has it taught me, you ask? It has taught me to be careful with another person's heart...and also to be observant and cautious with my own.
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unlucky stuntman said, (115 days ago)
Love is a battlefield I guess Pat Benetar had it right all along.
No bueno. Good luck on the celibacy thing.