It appears that a fling from 12 years ago, with whom I recently have become reacquainted due to Big Important Reasons, is suddenly talking about taking leave time from the military and coming here to Canada to "(address Big Important Reasons) / vacation / to see (me) / etc." Ummmmm... This is a lovely idea, and would help settle Big Important Reasons much faster, but am I the only one who sees the potential for chaos and mayhem in this?

Nope. This could make things topsy-turvy all around.

But, what do *you* want to happen next?

That's a hell of a fling if he's coming back after 12 years.

@ABoyNamedArt:
It's not him popping up out of the blue. *I* had to find *him* due to Big important Reasons. It's a long backstory. But I found out today that apparently there were some unexpected twists to the story, at least on his side, of which I was not previously aware.

I really don't know what to think right now. And, depending on how the Big important Reasons shake out, this person may suddenly become a very prominent figure in my life. Like, for anywhere from 10 years to a lifetime.

...headache fully engaged...

@ABoyNamedArt: "Screwball continuity issues" = "we're what we've always been > omgwtf he's acting like a husband but its really kind of cool > wtf is this 'we're over because it's getting serious on both sides' bs? > the door is unlocked, come over and stay the night > we should just be friends > wanna go out for coffee when i get off work? > we're over > hot sex up against a wall > we're over > sure, you can store your cd collection, gaming consoles, and dvds at my place while you're sorting out your stuff > please don't hang out at the pub because it makes me feel like i have to act differently when you're there > yes, i want copies of the portraits of you and the kids > we can snuggle under the covers > omg i'm such an idiot for having had sex with you just now > we can't talk or have anything to do with each other > come over to my house for a short while > BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH WTF?!?!?!?"

You are being super vauge? Did this guy knock you up or give you a disease or something?

Sounds like a good reality show for Lifetime to make.

@phro: I'm trying to think that way; optimism is good.

@JasAsian: GAH. Don't go there! My boobs aren't big enough to rival Anna Nicole's! (Although, one of my buddies was telling me today that she thinks R and I should be locked into a room with a one way window until we either kill each other or walk out engaged. She says she's thinking "Big Brother" style...)

@soulcamp: Ahhh... yeah, I'll call you from the bathtub in a few minutes and fill you in on the less-public details. I need to run hot water first.

Turn it around for a second. How would you feel if he said he was going to make the trip for Big Important Reasons, on the condition that he not have to actually see you?

It's just the civil thing to do. If he's done other things to throw civility out the window, then you're completely justified in refusing to see him. Otherwise, it might be best, at least for the sake of the Big Important Reasons, to maintain friendly, platonic relations with him. Just make it clear that you're not available to him. He doesn't need to know that you're having issues with your current relationship.

@centropomus: Wouldn't phase me a bit if he said he was coming up here for that and never wanted to see me. We haven't seen each other in 12 years, and this could easily be done without him ever even leaving Biloxi. It's not a matter of not wanting a civil relationship, just.... not wishing any further complications to my already headache-inducingly complicated life.

As for the current relationship, I doubt this would put any pressure on R to make any final decisions. If it did, I would be highly surprised.

@centropomus: There are some hard decisions already in the works regarding R. I'm just trying not do anything rash that I'll regret later, nor spew bile everywhere as a result on continuing continuity issues.