How do guys detach their emotions, yet can still look at you like you're the only one in the world, or touch you and make you feel alive?

Generally you learn that particular skill by having it done to you repeatedly.

Yeah, but then as soon as you pull it off, everyone else will have grown out of it.

Well they are.

right nam, having emotions is unacceptably human. being human is all sorts of girly.

Osteo pretty much said it. Your perceptions and reactions are more or less controlled by you. If you want to feel like he's looking at you as if you were the "only one in the world", you can trick yourself into believing it's true.

I wish that emotions were detachable, as mine are awfully cumbersome and apparently sewn to my sleeve.

@danny: it sounds more like she was never that into the relationship and eventually ended it. just because they don't have feelings for a person doesn't mean they don't have them at all.

@Low Caliber. yeah... would be nice sometimes, wouldn't it?

Just find some cojones and confidence and you should be alright.

@Danny - I didn't mean to imply that men are the only ones who can detach, I've known plenty of girls who could do that. Although I don't feel we can really compare the two situations as though we're talking about the same thing.

Maybe they have detachable emotions to complement their King Missile detachable penis?

Oy, with the man-bashing.

Can you maybe not generalize about guys and talk about this guy in particular?

It sounds like this specific dude may have learned how to put on a convincing show. As to why, well, some people (of both sexes) are just manipulative douchebags.

That said, it is entirely possible (not knowing the guy's side of it) that he's simply not that effusive. See Osteo's comment on the 8 crayons.

@El Indio: I thought about it, but there's just not enough going on to make it topical. I feel it's the kind of thing that only really needs to be pointed out if it's become egregious. Otherwise it just comes off as whining.

I mean, face it, just like Consu (and every other free-topic board), there's always going to be a few topics here about less-than-ideal relationships that are framed along gender lines.

God you guys, she already said she didn't mean it. She's just confused, cut her some slack. If you want to start your thread about male bashing, just do it.

Damn, I reign.

I didn't mean to come across as a male basher... and I honestly don't hate the guy at all. If I did, I don't think this topic would exist. It's actually the opposite - I love him as much as I've ever been able to love a human being (not including my son, but I think we'll agree that's a different love). I don't necessarily look at his detachment as a fault either, it's just a part of who he is. Plus the term "detach" is loosely used because I don't know how else to concisely describe in in order to make a one sentence topic.

I think I could handle my confusion better if, say, I were the one to initiate the latest contact - but it was agreed that he'd set the pace on rebuilding a friendship. Because someone wanted to talk specifically about this one guy, here is what is causing me confusion:

It was he who called Sunday to ask if I had gotten my car looked at. Upon telling him I would find a mechanic before Wednesday, he states he will do it in exchange for dinner. Because we've already been through the 'booty call' stage and both agreed that it stirred up emotions that wouldn't allow us to move on, it was said that this was only mechanic work and dinner.

After the car was finished and kitchen cleaned, he lingered. He could have left, or he could have made a move to show he was interested in sex. But he sat and chatted. Through our talking, I found myself aching for him a bit. During a lull, I said what I had been thinking, "I want you to stay over tonight."

He said sorry in the tone that told me he couldn't, but he still lingered. He said, "You don't want sex... you want love." I corrected him with "I don't want any love, I want your love." We sat there for another moment and he stood up. I assumed he was going to the door. Instead, he pulled me into a hug and told me I smelled familiar. He said it would be a bad idea for him to stay. I'll admit I didn't let his hand go, I'll admit I kissed him first, but then I apologized and stepped back and he grabbed me. I don't know if it was lust or love that took over, but there was more in those touches than desire for pure sex alone. We'd pull away then come back together, then someone would apologize and we would stand there quietly and still, just enjoying being close. He whispered "What are we doing?" and while my mind was screaming that we shouldn't have walked away, I simply answered, "I don't know."

That's when something switched. I asked what he was thinking and he said he wanted a booty call and I wanted to be close to him and that he couldn't take advantage of me like that. That it wasn't fair to me. I felt as though he was lying but didn't say anything. I lifted my face and we were forehead to forehead, just staring into each others eyes. He took a step back so he could see me clearly, my hands cupped in his face, lips inches from one another. He kissed me one last time the familiar kiss I've grown to know and then left.

Second to last sentence should be His hands cupped My face... Not the other way around.

You have to take his word on how he feels. Because

a) He probably really feels that way
b) Even if he doesn't, you won't be able to convince him of that.

The "truth" of the matter really isn't important since both courses of action dictate you just drop it.