Go, Team Internet! < one nation, under beard >
Participate in my art project!
http://icanhaz.com/613I just launched the site for an art project I am working on. I need your help to (re)interpret the 613 commandments that Jews are supposed to adhere to, but some of them are totally crazy. Like, about wizards and sacrifices and, uh, money lending practices. Submit your own remix of one of the 613! I especially need people to call the voicemail number and leave audio versions! You do not have to be Jewish!
art
benbrown
on Friday, May 2nd
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26 commentsReplies
Machined said, (15 days ago)
"82. Do not indulge in familiarities with relatives, such as kissing, embracing, winking, skipping, which may lead to incest "
who knew skipping could be so dangerous?
seemingly satanic said, (15 days ago)
aw, 82 blows. My family, we are very touchyfeely types and none of us have ever wanted to be icky incest people.
Reamworks SKG said, (15 days ago)
Be careful! The GT! Antisemites will be up your ass for being too Jewish!
benbrown said, (15 days ago)
Update: I especially need people to submit audio versions! There is a phone number to call to leave them! DO EEET!
quarterly said, (14 days ago)
I submit the book 'An Empire of Their Own: How the Jews Invented Hollywood'
(until I have time to do a real entry, I mean)
The HIGHrophant said, (14 days ago)
This is awesome Ben, I especially agree with your interpretation of "Do not consult wizards"
The HIGHrophant said, (13 days ago)
I am loving this with my non-jewish, non-christian ass. I used to be really kneejerk about these laws and thought they were simply made up by some old hebrew sticks-in-the-mud, but eventually I was able to step back and see that many of the commandments had some sort of use -- or at least did at the time of their transmission.
Reamworks SKG said, (13 days ago)
I feel compelled to mention that the 613 commandments Ben has enumerated here are a distillation. Each commandment is derived from some text in the Torah, but may not appear as written exactly. Also, there's a body of work known generally as the "Oral Torah" codified in the "Talmud" that explains the meanings of all of this. For example, the rules around proof of guilt when administering a death penalty are so stringent, that it's essentially impossible to carry out.
Also note that when the Jews received this law, it was a very "liberal" progressive thing! Instead of worshipping people or things, Jews realized they need to worship one, abstract G-d. Within these laws you'll see mandates about providing workers with a day off each week, providing for the poor, giving to charity, not being cruel to animals, etc. This was revolutionary!
Reamworks SKG said, (13 days ago)
@AArtaud! Yes! There are people who get their panties in a knot because GT! is "too Jewish"
AArtaud said, (13 days ago)
Funny, Mitzvot 13 contains the word 'cleave', which all good boys and girls and little green non-gendered aliens should know means both to attach to or separate from something.
Textual problems are fun!
AArtaud said, (13 days ago)
Does Hena complaining about all the Jewish-themed content you were posting count as antisemitic? Would it have been the same if you were posting a lot about, I dunno, waterskiing?
AArtaud said, (13 days ago)
People also complained about all the beard related contain.
That made me sad and stroke my lengthening beard in consternation.
AArtaud said, (13 days ago)
'Every person shall write a scroll of the Torah for him or her self.'
I call shenanigans. I really doubt women were encouraged to be literate at the time of the Talmud.
AArtaud said, (13 days ago)
This is PC-induced white-washing and I will not stand for it!
Where's a literal translation of the mikvots? (Is that the correct form of the plural?)
Reamworks SKG said, (13 days ago)
One mitzvah, two mitzvot.
All translations are interpretations. You need to read the original Hebrew! (Just like "Avenue Q" is better in the original Hebrew.) That being said, go to "torah.org" and "jewishanswers.org" You can find the entire Torah and the "RaMBaM" oral torah commentary here http://www.mechon-mamre.org/
Reamworks SKG said, (12 days ago)
Well, almost. It still doesn't account for the special rules about wine, grapes, and bread. (Personally, I chose to "reinterpret" those rules.)
AArtaud said, (11 days ago)
Thank you, Reamworks. I hadn't realized that this was THAT mitzvah.
I'll pass on the original Hebrew. I'm already about 4 deep in ancient languages. Next lifetime I'll get to the Semitic ones.
Reamworks SKG said, (11 days ago)
It's hard to call Hebrew an ancient language when there's a modern country that speaks it. It's not like Aramaic or Latin. And it'll come in handy one day when you meet your maker! He probably won't be speaking Klingon...
AArtaud said, (11 days ago)
I dunno, Reamworks. Modern Hebrew is a special case since it was basically revived with the creation of the modern state of Israel.
It's ancient certainly in the sense that I am willing to bet that the Hebrew in the Torah and the Talmud is at least somewhat different than modern Hebrew, but I could be wrong.
I'm sure The Maker, if there is one, is a polyglot.
Reamworks SKG said, (10 days ago)
Hebrew was kept alive via Yiddish (and Ladino, too, but I have little familiarity with it) Jews continued to use the Hebrew alphabet, and many Hebrew words and constructs were carried into the language. When new words needed to be formed, they are often based on roots of existing words. A good example is the word מחשב (machshev -- computer), which is based on the root for "think". (However other words like "telephone", "television", and "internet" are basically transliterations of the English words...)
The grammar and vocabulary in the Torah are present in today's Hebrew. It was the ultimate guide used by Eliezer Ben-Yehuda, the father of modern Hebrew.
Since you like to learn dead languages, I'll put in a plug for Yiddish! This language didn't just die--it was murdered. I'd love to hear it spoken again.
don't piss of the jews they rule everything...