A conversation I had with Mischa Barton while I was pulling an allnight study session in the library.

Me: Hey Mischa.

Mischa: Shh. We're not supposed to talk.

Me: I love these Seamus Heaney poems they've put up on the wall.

Mischa: SHHH! Don't talk! You know what happens when people talk? They die. In car accidents.

Me: I'm sorry. So are the girls from TATU really lesbians or what?

"You're not sorry at all" said Mischa, obfuscating.

Recipe for "Accidentally Awesome Random Loaf Made With Whatever I Could Find In The Pantry"

Mix in a relatively clean bowl:

2 cups self raising flour

1 eggy wegg

1 random splash soy milk splashed all dashingly and shit

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 wizened, but mould-free, apple ... found at the back of the cupboard

1 heaped dessert spoon of drinking chocolate powder

2 teaspoons vanilla essence (of life)

1 tablespoon dark dark brown sugar

put mix into a greased loaf tin and sprinkle on top:

1/4 packet of crushed stale biscuits also found at the back of the cupboard

some dry couscous to absorb extra moisture (can be bumped off after cooking)

180C (360F) oven until you can stick a knife in and it comes out clean

consume greedily with tea!