Sweetest Decline

His large body enveloped my curvy frame, while I tousled his slightly greasy jet black hair. His arm reached across my belly to graze at my thighs and he told me I had nice legs. I reached for an explanation but could only reply with a thank you. "Thank you for doing this, I needed it," I muttered as if we had just made a business transaction. The coolness of the mountains and the warmth of his tan olive flesh felt good and had a strangely familiar newness. I knew this would not last long, because chemistry plays dirty tricks on people, and experiments like these are rarely repeatable.

I had to decide if he would lay there with me for the rest of the night and greet me with morning kisses while my sister made pancakes downstairs or go home while I lay comfortably in the bed I had borrowed. I had gotten used to the idea of sleeping alone and I didn't want to make our union more meaningful despite the fireworks, the hand-holding on the Suzuki, and the near-perfection of our first and only date.

So, off he went like a prowler in the night, cruising on a bike down the mountains. There would be no Facebook stalking as he had never owned a computer. There would probably be a small chance I would return to my sister's home later this summer and see him again, but I was doubtful. There was attachment, but more of the sinking kind, like a cool summer dip in the swimming pool where you know it has to end sometime.

Sober mind.

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Help me decide what should go on the cover of my chapbook!

One of my extended creative nonfiction essays is being published in a cheap, small scale production on my college campus. The design editor is working on the layout and design and asking me questions about cover art, font, etc, and I have no idea what to tell him.

My essay is about Shakespeare, so I'd think an old-style font would work. However, I have no idea what I want on the cover, because all the "official" portraits of Shakespeare are pretty wonky. I thought about a quill, but that's kind of generic.

So all you visual artists/design folks out there, help a girl out! Please. ^___^

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ill gotten gains

Each spring, my college has a single author chapbook contest. After a deal I made with myself my freshman year, I have always submitted a work to the contest. This year has been the only year my submission has been seriously considered. However, it did not win, but came in second after a nonfiction essay written by my friend about her brother's drug problems.

Recently, her family, who are all Methodist ministers, got wind of the essay and have highly objected to it. They say she doesn't portray brother in a loving light and makes her family look unsupportive and cold to their afflicted son. She said that she wanted to proceed with the publication, even though her family warned they would not come to her graduation if she allowed it to be published. This ticks me off because, one, she is 22 years old and still is being threated by her family with censorship, and two, because if she's blaming herself for not writing a more flattering essay. Nonfiction is about the Truth, your personal Truth, not what your family considers to be the truth.


Today, my friend sent me a text message that said my chapbook was going to be published instead of hers. I immediately objected. No way. I will not contribute in an act of censorship. Nor will I allow her family to bully her into feeling ashamed of her writing. She's a very honest, unflinching writer, something the world needs. She replied to my message saying "we'll talk about this later."

I'm not saying I wouldn't be happy for the entire campus to read my work, which is also a nonfiction essay (though focusing on my history and love of Shakespeare, not nearly as scary or brave as my friend's essay). But to me, it feels like a weak victory, won after my opponent just rolled over and played dead. Yet, I still am dying to see my work in print.


So, what do you think? Pro-censorship if it clearly hurts someone close to you, or pro-publication, even at risk of alienation of your loved ones? And how should I be feeling in this situation. I want to push for her chapbook to be published, but I also want mine to be published. It also throws a wrench in that she's a senior and I'm a junior. I have another year to win and she's out of time.

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this is what I've done today

I promised I would spend the whole day writing, since it is my spring break and I should get something productive done that I normally don't have time for during the academic quarter. Writing has yet to happen. Instead, I

1. Was awoken by my father calling my cell phone at 11 AM, asking for a phone number. He wasn't even nice or patient with me as I stumbled around half asleep, going through the family's address book.

2. Fell back asleep on the couch only to be awoken again by my dogs almost attacking the postman.

3. Made mac n cheese

4. Watched America's Next Top Model

5. Sat in the bathtub for an hour, reading.

6. And here I am now, on GT!, burning more time as I flip back and forth between my word documents and the internets.

This, my friends, is a problem of motivation. HELP ME.

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